


Sunscreen

by yuuago



Category: A Redtail's Dream (Webcomic)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, POV Alternating, Poetry, prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-08 13:39:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7759900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuuago/pseuds/yuuago
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, it's hard to find the right way to say what you're feeling. But when the right moment comes along, it's a little easier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunscreen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kiraly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiraly/gifts).



> Rarepair exchange fic for Kiraly, based on a wonderful letter. :)
> 
> [Edit]  
> Kiraly has done an adorable illustration of this fic! You can find it on tumblr [here](http://worldsentwined.tumblr.com/post/150102228634/did-a-little-doodle-based-on-rukkilills).

Sunlight on our faces  
shades over our eyes  
sunscreen and bugspray  
this summer night could last forever.  
Glitter on the water  
tinfoil crackling on the fire  
fish for supper by the lakeside  
could we stay out here all night?  
...Oh  
I shouldn't be surprised, but  
you know you were supposed to leave  
some marshmallows for me  
right?  
Sharing earbuds while we watch  
ducks on the water  
side by side  
and the words are crowding  
my mouth again  
weighing my tongue, pushing my teeth.  
But this isn't something  
that comes easy  
my jaw is welded tight, I can't  
say this, even if I say it  
in held hands and shared coffee  
and times like this  
quiet together  
on our lakeshore.  
I could loosen my tongue,  
say it in English  
the words come smoothly then  
throw around "I love you" like loose change  
like pebbles skipped on water  
like fish scales pulled off easy  
and you wouldn't understand a thing.  
That's a dirty trick, it's cheap  
and I'm not above cheating  
but I can imagine your wide eyes  
demanding explanation  
asking, asking, asking  
and I'll cave again  
like always.  
It's better to say it in  
sunscreen dabbed on your nose  
lemon cookies and marshmallows  
cold orange juice and  
borrowed sunglasses and  
sitting shoulder to shoulder  
on this bright summer night.

* * *

Summer smelled fresh, sharp, green. Too-warm, too, if warmth could have a smell. The forest trail winding its way toward the lake offered some reprieve, some shade, and they both were glad for it.

Ville took it in as he walked with Hannu. They had gone this way before; he recognized the path, the familiar twists and turns, the shape of the woods around them. But this time, it was... well.

It was a little bit different.

The last time he'd come that way - at least, during the brightness of summer - he'd been his old self. His before-self. His dog-self. And while he didn't care much about the difference between going around on four legs or two, he had once had a dog's nose and ears, and that was something he _did_ miss.

Last time, their hike through the long trails coiling around the lake near their village had been an absolute explosion of the senses. Smells were to his nose like colour to his eyes, like sugar melting in his mouth.

Ville sighed, sniffed the air, and tried to get even a hint of the old feeling. Well, it wasn't too bad. He could catch things if he paid attention: the cool air coming off the lake, the mixed scents of bright leaves and evergreen. Loamy soil. Mushrooms lurking in the undergrowth. The sticky, artificial smell of sunscreen and bug spray.

It wasn't enough. But it would have to do.

He'd get used to it eventually. Maybe. The whole... being human thing. That was what Hannu thought, anyway. That was what he said whenever Ville asked him about it. "It'll take a while, that's all." The words were reassuring, but sometimes Ville wondered if either of them really believed it.

Up ahead of him, Hannu tramped down the narrow trail, leading the way, just as he had been doing since they stepped into those woods. But eventually, he turned, casting a curious look back at Ville. "You've gone pretty quiet," he said.

There was a part that he didn't say; a hint of something, a _I don't mind that you aren't talking my ear off, but I'm just checking on you, that's all._ Ville smiled. "It's okay," he said. "I was just thinking."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! Like, the last time I was with you like this, I was... you know."

A long pause. "...Yeah, I know." A hint of something passed Hannu's face, like he didn't want to be reminded. Well, maybe he didn't. After all, there was no turning back now, and they both knew it. "So? Does it bother you?"

"Not really?"

"Right. Fine." Hannu waved a hand, gesturing for him to keep following. "Come on, then. Let's keep going. We're almost at the lake, anyway."

* * *

It wasn't before long that they saw the glittering water, the sunlight sparkling on it. The trail suddenly opened to the lakeshore, a strip of dark sand edging along the water. A small dock that didn't seem to get much use. Grille for a campfire. Quiet.

The site was empty, like it usually was. Like it had been all the other times they went out together. Hannu had explained it when Ville asked, as they were getting ready to go: "It's kind of a hike to get there. _You_ know that. Nobody wants to take such a long walk when there are nice places closer to the village." Hannu shrugged. "It's better for us that way. Nobody to come around and bother us."

It was exactly the kind of place that Hannu liked. Quiet, peaceful. Decent fishing off the dock. Somewhere he - and Ville - the both of them wouldn't be bothered by anyone or anything.

Ville didn't mind extra company. But Hannu did. Enough that he would always go out of his way to avoid running into people, especially when he was in one of his _moods_.

_That_ was something that Ville knew well, and he hadn't taken long to get used to it. It was just the way that Hannu was; there was no way around it. It seemed that Hannu could only stand being around people so long before he got snappish, irritable, and started searching for the nearest exit. But when they were both together, in the quiet, things were different. 

Today, it was like that. So, Ville decided as he looked out at the lake, it was worth it to just enjoy being with Hannu. A glance toward him confirmed it; it wasn't hard to see how relaxed Hannu seemed to be in that day, in that sunshine. How happy he looked.

Ville's senses were dulled, but there was nothing wrong with his eyes. And it was even better now, to see Hannu like this, in bright colour. It made the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips even more obvious. Would Ville have noticed that a year ago, before turning into a human, before everything? Probably not. Would it have meant so much? Maybe. But probably not. Or in a different way.

Maybe.

* * *

Warm sunlight. Glitter on the water. The coolness of the lake on their toes. The roughness of the dock. These were the things that Hannu liked.

Supper was fish caught off the dock. Enough for two. Hannu had smiled, but refrained from commenting on Ville's lack of ability with a line, and simply made up for where he fell short. He did a lot of that, Ville thought to himself.

Maybe some day he wouldn't have to.

Sand on his toes. Ville picked his way along the lakeshore while Hannu cooked dinner. He bent, plucked snail shells from the sand and weeds, always checking to be sure that they weren't occupied. He thought about giving them to Hannu, making a present of them, but a glance over his shoulder told him... well, maybe not. It was kind of a silly idea, and anyway, Hannu wouldn't understand what he meant by it. Probably. That it meant "I like you a lot", that it meant "I'm happy to be here with you".

Maybe flowers would be better instead? That was more typical, right? Right! But... no, maybe Hannu wouldn't appreciate that either. At least, not now.

There was another option, Ville thought. Maybe.

Ville thought about it all through supper. All through dessert, too, and _that_ meant that he wasn't concentrating on what he was doing, and didn't realize that he was eating _all_ the marshmallows, without even toasting them, until the bag was suddenly empty.

"That was for both of us, you know."

"Oops..."

"...Don't worry about it."

He thought about it all through the walk by the lakeside, and all through the time they sat together at the dock, feet dangling in the water, listening to music. Hannu passed him an earbud and he took it, slipping it in without a word.

The music sank into Ville's ears. He recognized the song; it was one that he'd heard before, over and over, on the CD that Hannu played on repeat when he was having trouble sleeping. He didn't understand a word. The language was English; he knew _that_. He'd asked Hannu, once, what the song was; the reply had been a half-mumbled, "I dunno. Mushy stuff about love, I guess."

It kind of fit the situation, Ville thought. Didn't it?

Hannu wasn't looking at him, He was staring out across the lake, a contemplative look on his face, one that Ville couldn't quite read. But he looked content enough. When Ville shifted to lean against him, Hannu didn't move away; just allowed it, like he always did. Always would.

Ville thought about it again. What would be the best way to show what he felt? Some way of saying it without Hannu brushing it off or thinking it was weird? He thought hard. Then he thought about it some more.

He knew what he felt. He was completely, utterly sure. He'd done a lot of reading about it! But would Hannu understand?

...Maybe.

It was worth a try.

Ville took a deep breath. Tilted his head. He let the kiss brush against Hannu's cheek. Not too light to be annoying. Just enough pressure that there was no way to deny that a kiss was exactly what it was. That was how it was supposed to be done, right?

He could feel Hannu freeze up against him. No, no, no, Ville thought, he's going to say that wasn't right, he's going to say you shouldn't have done that, he's going to misunderstand and say that this isn't what friends do, and not get that that's exactly the _point_ \- 

"Ville?"

"Yes?"

There was a pause, as if Hannu was carefully choosing what he'd say next, giving his words more attention than he usually would. Finally, he simple said, "...That was okay."

Ville swallowed. He could feel his insides turning and twisting. Did that mean - "Really?"

A fumbling hand gripped his own. Squeezed it. Held it tight. "...Yeah." Followed by a ghosting of lips against his cheek, barely there. Almost clumsy. But there was no questioning what it was meant to be. Even Ville could tell that.

Ville closed his eyes and, after hesitating a second, rested his head on Hannu's shoulder. He let the sun touch his face, and drank in its warmth. Breathed in and savoured what he could of the scent of cool lake water. Evergreen trees. Bug spray. Sunscreen.

_I like you a lot. I'm happy to be here with you._

Those words were unsaid. Maybe neither of them could say it without tripping over their words, but that was all right.

Maybe they both understood it, anyway.


End file.
